My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize