Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
