Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
