you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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