i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
