I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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Do I have a choice?
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The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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