I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
