we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
