singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
