we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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