i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
