I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
