Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
