I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
