I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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