I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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