a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
