Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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