My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
