haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Randomize
