Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
