brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
