sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
