i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize