I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
