Drunk walkin through police station. America
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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