I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
soo... how was my night?
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