I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
