i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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