I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
