Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
