u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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