Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
