it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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