just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im part way to drunk.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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