god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
