Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
