Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
