I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
