i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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