They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
