Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
