I'm eating all of the evidence.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
