Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it glows. i had to have it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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