addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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