Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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