so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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