The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
