I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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