I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
