somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Watching her eat just hurts me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
