the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
