Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
