so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
