He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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