ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How does one acquire holy water?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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