he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You are a genius and a whore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
