i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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