were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
