Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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