ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
