There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
