i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
