they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
