No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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