I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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