Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..

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(630): View more from Illinois

She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

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(650): View more from California

I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms

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(432): View more from Texas

If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?

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