I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
