i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
